Becoming A Hyster-Sister

I have decided to join a special and strong group of woman who have had hysterectomies. My endo decided to rear its ugly head after four years of being somewhat pain-free and regular. The first part of this decision involved social norms and motherhood.

I was brought up in a Christian home where it was silently instilled in me that I would grow up and get married then have children. According to my mom, I would be cursed with a daughter like me. LOL But that is not how my story unfolded. Diagnosed with endometriosis at 21, I was urged to have children way too early. All I could say is NO. I was not married and didn’t have the financial means. As time passed, the doctors urges became louder yet my situation remained the same. It warped my mind. Every guy I dated was instantly inspected for daddy qualities. I am pretty positive that my messed up mindset had a nasty effect on my relationships.

Then I got married…I really thought that we would have a white picket fence life. I was still young enough to conceive and at this point still had one good fallopian tube. Plus, he was open to invitro fertilization or even adoption. But then he got sick. He contracted Lyme disease. At the same time, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) and fibromyalgia. He was a medical student and after researching Lyme he became very concerned that he would pass it to a child or me. We stopped having sex. We also discussed what it would be like to realistically raise a child. Two sick parents. That sounds like fun huh.

His Lyme made my endo look like a mere inconvenience. His doctors didn’t know if he would get better but chances were he would get worse. He did. He now resides in a wheel chair and is about to embark on brain surgery due to infection and lesions. My endo remained my monster under the bed. I had excision surgery in 2012 and that had helped until recently. But I still had issues with CFS.

I began to look at the situation from my unborn child’s eyes. Even if we had stayed together, dad would be wheel chair bound, in-and-out of the hospital and mom would struggle to get out of bed, walk upright or do anything without the assistance of pain medication. What fun!

So maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother. That is a really though pill to swallow. But maybe infertility goes hand-in-hand with endometriosis because it is in the best interest of the child. We know there is a genetic component, making it highly likely to be passed down to female children. And, don’t they deserve a mom who has energy and isn’t in pain constantly? I am not saying that this applies to all women with endo or even any other woman other than myself. Situations and support systems vary from woman to woman.

So, step one? Kick my anxiety and depression’s ass. I started on medication about a week ago. I stopped crying nonstop. Then, I am going to find a counselor who specializes in this sort of thing and can mentally prepare me for losing my lady parts. Step 3 Find a doctor in Arizona who is well known and uses excision. Then do it! 

Becoming A Hyster-Sister

I have decided to join a special and strong group of woman who have had hysterectomies. My endo decided to rear its ugly head after four years of being somewhat pain-free and regular. The first part of this decision involved social norms and motherhood.

I was brought up in a Christian home where it was silently instilled in me that I would grow up and get married then have children. According to my mom, I would be cursed with a daughter like me. LOL But that is not how my story unfolded. Diagnosed with endometriosis at 21, I was urged to have children way too early. All I could say is NO. I was not married and didn’t have the financial means. As time passed, the doctors urges became louder yet my situation remained the same. It warped my mind. Every guy I dated was instantly inspected for daddy qualities. I am pretty positive that my messed up mindset had a nasty effect on my relationships.

Then I got married…I really thought that we would have a white picket fence life. I was still young enough to conceive and at this point still had one good fallopian tube. Plus, he was open to invitro fertilization or even adoption. But then he got sick. He contracted Lyme disease. At the same time, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) and fibromyalgia. He was a medical student and after researching Lyme he became very concerned that he would pass it to a child or me. We stopped having sex. We also discussed what it would be like to realistically raise a child. Two sick parents. That sounds like fun huh.

His Lyme made my endo look like a mere inconvenience. His doctors didn’t know if he would get better but chances were he would get worse. He did. He now resides in a wheel chair and is about to embark on brain surgery due to infection and lesions. My endo remained my monster under the bed. I had excision surgery in 2012 and that had helped until recently. But I still had issues with CFS.

I began to look at the situation from my unborn child’s eyes. Even if we had stayed together, dad would be wheel chair bound, in-and-out of the hospital and mom would struggle to get out of bed, walk upright or do anything without the assistance of pain medication. What fun!

So maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother. That is a really though pill to swallow. But maybe infertility goes hand-in-hand with endometriosis because it is in the best interest of the child. We know there is a genetic component, making it highly likely to be passed down to female children. And, don’t they deserve a mom who has energy and isn’t in pain constantly? I am not saying that this applies to all women with endo or even any other woman other than myself. Situations and support systems vary from woman to woman.

So, step one? Kick my anxiety and depression’s ass. I started on medication about a week ago. I stopped crying nonstop. Then, I am going to find a counselor who specializes in this sort of thing and can mentally prepare me for losing my lady parts. Step 3 Find a doctor in Arizona who is well known and uses excision. Then do it!